Deidara and His Hands
by Drucilla Havok
Summary: Um, yeah, my mind is very intrigued by the mouths on Deidara's hands. Rated M for my curiousity leading to perversion. Slight SasoDei


A/N: I've had the question going through my mind for a while and now the plot! It's been tormenting me all day! I now found the resolve to write the crack? I'm not sure if this constitutes as crack, however – it seems like if Deidara got lonely this would happen. I can thank Drake WingRite for me voicing the question what feels like a century ago, and thus started my subconscious search for a plot for such a kinky question! Please note this is my first time writing about Deidara although I did include him in a previous story where he was a male stripper, so please take it easy but by all means, flame and criticize all you want.

Disclaimer: Uh, if I owned Naruto it'd be filled with yaoi and yuri – not to mention this would not be considered fanfiction, it'd be canon reality.

Deidara was bored, very, very bored. The blond hadn't been this bored in a while. Not since – Deidara shivered at the thought of the last time he was this bored – he nearly destroyed Akatsuki headquarters with a few clay bombs as he shouted, "Art is a bang, bitches! Un!"

However, this was worse than the boredom that led to that and the boredom sitting in a charred corner as a punishment had to offer. Sasori was nowhere in sight to keep his sanity in tact, no Itachi to piss off, no Tobi to piss him off and no Pein to order him to snap out of it. It was a special day for the other S-rank criminals, the day they spent without Deidara annoying them but forgot to have Tobi stay behind to keep him company. Deidara had cried from boredom most of the day.

Soon, Deidara started playing with his hands to pass the time. Unfortunately, he had no clay to shove into the extra mouths. He let the tongue of his left hand stick out, then flop back in and then did the same with his right hand, then repeated with the left. This continued until he got some inspiration.

He allowed the tongue of his left hand to intrude on the inside of the mouth of his right hand, thus causing the tongue of his right hand to have no space and went into the mouth of the left hand. Chuckling like a mad man, Deidara allowed his hands to make out.

Deidara blushed and got hard and a bit giddy as the two tongues wrestled in the palms of his hands. Then, the mouths parted, a string of saliva mixed with a little left over clay trailing out between the two.

"Why not try giving yourself head?" the left hand asked. Deidara decided he was going insane. His hands have never spoken to him before.

The right hand gave a sly smile and decided to make things worse. "And you could make out with thyself."

Deidara shrugged, it's not like he had anything better to do. He shoved his left hand down his pants and allowed the mouth to encircle his member then gave out a pleasurable moan. "Un…" he sighed.

"You can do better, I shall help out," the right hand grumbled then did just that. It undid Deidara's pants and pulled them down a bit, along with its owner's boxers. The left hand then started going up and down.

Unknown to the blond bomber, this was not the time to start masturbating because as he started making out with his right hand, the other members of Akatsuki came back just in time to hear pleasurable moans from his room.

"What in the name of Jashin is your teammate doing!" Hidan yelled, his head turned toward Sasori.

The puppet master/puppet shrugged and glared, "How should I know?"

"Deidara-sempai is praising Tobi because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi concluded as he beamed from behind his mask.

"Uh… those noises are a little too graphic for being praise, for you at least," Itachi glowered.

Tobi started to cry. It seemed as if Itachi had said he's a bad boy.

"Ngaaaaaaah!" Deidara screamed his long awaiting release.

"Deidara-sempai is upset now," Tobi pouted.

Sasori recognized the outburst from his partner for what it was and his blood boiled. "That little slut!" he shouted and headed towards Deidara's room.

"Someone explain why we're trapped outside?" Pein asked. He was impatient.

Kisame, whom was disturbed by the noises, slunk away from the door before his leader killed him.

Sasori reached Deidara's room and slammed the door open. "Who the fuck is…" he started to demand until he saw what his partner was doing.

The blond S-rank criminal blushed a deep red and took his hand away from his mouth. "Um… in my defense I was bored, un," he said.

Sasori face-palmed at his jealousy and scooped the blond into his arms. "It's actually quite cute," he chuckled. Deidara nuzzled the older man as the others came upstairs to see if Sasori murdered his partner.

A/N: Yeah, I can't think of anymore. Read and Review please.


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